Hey there 👋,
Welcome to the 15th edition of Anticynical! I’m now back from vacation, back home from two weeks in Toronto.
Before heading off, the last idea I wrote about was habit tracking. Habit tracking is the meta-habit that makes all other habits achievable and more effective. Indeed, for me personally, tracking my habits has been life-changing.
This week’s idea is grandfather paradox.
Idea: Grandfather Paradox
Imagine an alternative universe where Hitler suddenly grew a conscience on the last day of the Battle of Berlin, hours before his suicide. "I have caused incalculable suffering. I wish I never existed." In this alternate universe, Hitler also has a secret wormhole. Instead of shooting himself, as he did in our universe, he travels back in time before his father was born and kills his grandfather. Hitler is never born, and World War II never happens. Problem solved.
Or is it? How did Hitler kill his grandfather if Hitler doesn't exist? There are many ways to "resolve" this apparent paradox. For instance, if multiple universes exist, Hitler exists in one universe and doesn't exist in another.
Nonetheless, as much fun as they are to think and write about, this post isn't about the logical paradoxes of time travel. It's about a common, everyday phenomenon that mirrors the grandfather paradox.
You look at an enticing job posting. It matches your skill set and is just enough out of your comfort zone to make you feel giddy with the opportunity to grow. But you deny yourself. Or, you see an exciting singles event happening nearby, and you're in the best shape of your life. But instead of going, you shoot yourself down. "I'm not good enough. "There is so much competition right now."
So, what is happening here?
It's almost as if, in an alternate universe, you applied to the job, got to the interviews, and then bombed your interviews. Or you got spurned at the singles event. Then at the peak of shame and indignation, you traveled back in time to shoot down your "thought grandfather": the person who birthed the idea of applying to the job or attending the singles event. Instead of physically traveling back in time and using a gun, you shoot down your grandfather with dreadful thoughts. If the timeline seems twisted, let's clarify: The "grandfather" in question is you, currently eyeing the job listing or singles event.
Now, for the off chance you think I'm a lunatic, I don't believe this is actually happening. But I want to take this analogy further. What if it were? What are your options as the grandfather being bombarded with terrible thoughts?
The natural first step seems to be recognizing and acknowledging the time traveler's thoughts. If you just pretend they don't exist, they will continue to influence you like the unseen strings of a puppeteer.
You meet your future self's mental volleys of dreadful thoughts with a swift dance of your own thought and counter-thought. Your own mental jiu-jitsu, trying to engage in dialogue with the time traveler.
If you do that, you'll find that the future-present communication channel is, in fact, a two-way street. Ask your future self why they think they failed and feel ashamed. Here are some potential failure-case responses from the future:
"Since I was a near-perfect match for the job, I didn't think I needed much preparation for the interviews. But they threw a few curve balls, and I got flustered and angry at my lack of preparation. Now I feel ashamed that I didn't prepare and that I got flustered later during the interview."
"Starting a conversation with attractive strangers is way out of my comfort zone. I just sat in a corner, waiting for the Earth to split open and swallow me."
"I talked to lots of potential dates, but none of them clicked. Maybe I'm the boring one?"
"The interviewer was a dick."
In all of the above situations, it is easy to see that important information was gleaned in spite of failure. To be better prepared for interviews is a good lesson to learn. Maybe spending a couple of weeks just talking to strangers at mixers and conferences first might warm you up for more difficult social tasks like chatting with potential dates. And if the interviewer was simply too arrogant, then maybe the job wouldn't be the best fit, as you might have had to work with that "dick" if you were selected.
If we drop the time-travel analogy (finally!) and make things explicit, I am, of course, drawing parallels between the grandfather paradox and self-doubt. You shouldn't let your self-doubt pull your strings. Instead, try to have a conversation with it; there's a lot to learn there. You might find the fears behind the self-doubt are insubstantial. Or conversely, you might discover that there is actual substance – lack of skill or real trauma and fear – behind the self-doubt. In the first case, you can march right on, but in the second, you might have to take it slow and seek help and support. Regardless, letting it simply paralyze you enforces a pattern of inaction and strengthens the self-doubt.
This idea came up in a conversation with Andrey Lepekhin. Thanks for the inspiration, Andrey! Thank you Nick Drage, Diana Sumi, Chris Angelis, and Lisa Dawson for their feedback on the draft.
Question: What are some recurring “dreadful thoughts” that your time-progeny keeps attacking you with?
Whenever I think of attending a social event, I’m hit with a torrent of unhelpful thoughts.
I also sometimes have dreadful thoughts when trying to be more assertive and telling people exactly what I think. However, I have improved by digging deeper into and conversing with my time-progeny.
I'd love to hear from you…
What did you think of the analogy between time-travelling and self-doubt?
What are some of your dreadful thoughts?
Or anything else at all. Just hit reply.